The Price of Nice

What happens when "being nice" becomes a burden? When politeness is valued more than honesty, leaving us silenced instead of seen? In this two-part conversation, Amira K.S. Barger, Executive Vice President and Global Head of DEI Advisory at Edelman, challenges us to rethink the cost of nice and reclaim our nerve.

From her upbringing in Guam to her groundbreaking work in communications, Amira brings wisdom, vulnerability, and practical strategies for living with courage and resilience. These episodes will resonate with anyone who has ever swallowed their truth to keep the peace – and is ready to step into something greater.

Featured Episodes

Episode 59: The Price of Nice + Resiliency

In this episode, Amira shares the origin story of her new book The Price of Nice: Why Comfort Keeps Us Stuck and Four Actions for Real Change. Through a childhood experience, she reveals how being told "that’s not nice" set her on a lifelong journey of reconciling truth with societal expectations.

💬 "No matter how right you are or how true the thing is, if it makes someone uncomfortable, you are the problem."

This conversation explores how "words shape worlds" and how breaking free from the prison of niceness creates space for authenticity, impact, and resiliency.

Episode 60: Finding Your Nerve + Resiliency

Amira goes deeper into what it means to replace niceness with nerve – the courage to tell the truth, challenge broken systems, and claim autonomy in how we show up. She introduces the "matching principle" to explain why misaligned communication often leads to conflict and shares her creative journal practice for reimagining what’s possible.

💬 “Niceness sort of promises, solution, without actually delivering it. Nerve is what will get us there.”

For anyone ready to reclaim their voice, Amira’s insights offer a roadmap for resilience and freedom.

Key Takeaways from Amira’s Story

• The Cost of Nice: Politeness without truth silences us and weakens connections.

• Words Shape Worlds: Communication is more than language – it is power, shaping how we exist and act.

• Nerve as a Practice: Building nerve requires intention, reflection, and courage.

• Aligned Self: Instead of chasing "authenticity," we can choose to present the self that best reflects our values and boundaries in any given moment.

Proclamations Applied

• Stand Strong Against Challenges: Amira shows us that resilience requires more than silence; it calls for standing firm in truth even when it feels risky.

• Make Resilience a Superpower: By choosing nerve over niceness, resilience becomes a daily practice of integrity.

• Learn through our Journeys: Amira’s story from Guam to global leadership highlights how every step, even the painful ones, shapes growth.

• Turn Challenges into Opportunities: The discomfort of being "not nice" becomes an opportunity to spark change.

• Build Strong, Supportive Communities: True community is built on honesty, not facades of politeness.

• Prioritize Well-Being: Rejecting the pressure to perform niceness protects our mental and emotional health.

• Learn from Setbacks: Each "failure" of niceness provides lessons in strength and courage.

• Cultivate Emotional Intelligence and Empathy: Nerve does not erase kindness; it balances empathy with truth-telling.

• Lead with Integrity and Authenticity: Amira’s concept of the "aligned self" redefines authentic leadership.

• Pursue Knowledge and Self-Improvement: Her journal practice demonstrates how reflection fuels growth and resilience.

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Tools to Resiliency

• Practice the Pause: Use journaling to question "sacred cows" and create space for new perspectives.

• Notice Communication Styles: Apply the matching principle to align your conversations and reduce unnecessary friction.

• Choose Alignment Over Authenticity: Show up in ways that reflect your values while navigating the realities of different environments.

• Challenge the Cost of Nice: Ask yourself: Am I being nice at the expense of being true?

Sisterhood and resiliency call us to more than silence. They invite us into truth, into nerve, into the power of shaping our worlds with words that matter. May these conversations with Amira inspire you to step boldly into your own voice.

Not because it’s easy, but because it’s worth it.

With strength and solidarity,
Pam & Natalie, Reignite Resilience Co-hosts